...is to live life, simply...

"welcome."

Come closer. Look into my eyes. Slowly.
See how I’ve grown and changed through these 8*teen years.
Look at the things I have achieved and the ones I have destroyed.
Things I’ve started; complete and incomplete.
Those that I’ve loved and those that I’ve loath.
Remove the painted disguise and look at this princess in her lonely world.
Tired of picking up the b r o k e n pieces and to smooth out the creases.
Running. Waiting for someone to find her.
Come in now and read of my world.
But remember.
If you don't understand my silence, you won't understand my words.

Enjoy!

Saturday, June 28, 2003

hello bloggie. let me tell you about my long long day today. in the mornin went for gp lecture where i was paying much attention either. blindly copying everything away. found out that chua suddenly not going. she didn't tell me her reason why though. so i didn't go for the typing class. met kirthana and got the hp3. then i went home and sleep. got up took my lunch and went to new town. met nadia and min yee before going in. lol. we enter already we noisy ? haahaha. reminds me of the night tour that time. power loh. play the gigantic beach ball in the quadrangle. so fun really. heh. laughing my heart out! well was greeted by jason and yihui! hee! realised andy miao yuan and bao zhu were there. then saw xiaolin and jessie! haha! yeay~! new town still haven't change lar. still the same old bloody stuffs around. lol. i'm so bad. well we went into the bandroom and saw mr tay. -.-" good thing ms tay wasn't there. if not really sucky. yeaps. quite happy to see the usual people? saw chester.. czEem! lols... thought he wasn't going? heh.. KENNETH!! *yeay* lols.. kenneth's my junior.. yeap. BUT.. weilun wasn't there. -.-" he didn't even reply my sms. sigh, really thought i would be able to see him. yar. nvm lar. heh. went in to the storerm. just slack slack lar.

when we came out mr tay said hello to me. EEEEEEEE!! grossed out. everytime also only talk to me! yuckie! taoyan! lols. then asked if i was at the syf, cos he didn't see (good!) =P. then wah. big. compared to our band, like duh? heh. but yar. bad sound? i think i almost wanted to cover my eyes? heh. but shouldn't be SO bad right. but really. the tuning all that ar. like omg. hee. saw the new sec ones. hmmm. no comments. well as timed passed i went in between kenneth and woei lin. then kept talking heh. =x. stupid woei lin keep pinching my cheeks. i know you miss me so much lar gurl? hehx. stupid kenneth! wanna smack him liaos! keep saying i short! hahaha!! but it's a fact lar. he happily mah, grow a lil bit taller than me liaos. heh. then during the break woeilin and i were very engrossed in our conversation and little did we know that we were somewhat the only ones left sitting there with mr tay and he seemed to be moving towards us? so woeilin and i were like.. faster ciao! HAHA! then she pulled me out. but he asked stuff lar. like how i find mr leng. inside my heart i said, definitely better than YOU! then ask me teach woeilin, say she improving. which is true aye gurl. keep it up. kenneth's sound.. like.. er.. andy? oh no? haaa. but sight reading good lar. heh. too bad az and leemin weren't there. all mugging at home. guai kias. then outside create havoc. i laughed like nobody's business loh. so loud. heh. then they help surround me.. so i wouldn't be stuck with mr tay talking to me. LOL. evil aye. miaoyuan said hello to us. :). talked to junjie all those. heh. sigh, if only more seniors came back like chua xiaofei peihua shuyun! so sad yunyun got work to do. hmmmm. jane's so FAIR~ damn fair man. omg lohs. hahaa. sigh miss her bubblyness. hee.

can see that desiree is seriously crazy over jemmy? lols. it's totally funny? hahaaha. really. first clive. now jeremy. lucky i told clive not to talk to her tt time? haahaha. then she tell me he very dao. (like ya rights). then say jem very cute and friendly all that. and she wants his picture leh! so farnie lohs. i buay tahan ah. woeilin was tellin me about her craziness too. i think it's a bit too much ah? she go ask mr tay for ..something.. -.-" cannot believe it. heard jinli also? -faints. my gawd loh. damn terrible. HAHAAHA. well when band had to settle down.. hee.. woeilin and me just sat outside and talk for awhile.. hee..talked about stuff..hmmm..sigh. i really miss "that" sectionals we had. trumpet was the only section having SO MUCH of fun loh during the camp. so many camps and the forefeits were all so dumb! i can still remember. it was the best sectionals ever. LOL. suppose to have fun one la. after that we were really bonded. hee. *huggies my darlin tpt sect 02* aka known as the sexy family yeah? hiaks hiaks. yeap. well left together with kenneth chester and the other one.. hmm.. youping? yeahs.nadia and min yee left much earlier lohs. =)

bbq happily i took the wrong bus? got down at farrer road area. took 106 back. take 111. then met up with only pui sin and xin xin at queenstown mrt station. xin xin was damned pissed lohs. she's been waiting for almost like 2 hrs? and the guys only two were going? HOW PATHETIC right? when we ask all nod their heads. in the end like this? the girls got some not going too. sighs. you call this a class outing. we were really disappointed too. yeaps. then dunno why elizabeth shiyin joycelyn puishan didn't bother to inform us that they're going to pui sin's house on their own?! yani and elis also suddenly say they going on their own? like suddenly loh everyone going on their own. damn irritating really. can see breakdown in communication here. eventually we found out that yani told shiyin earlier but they didn't bother to tell us. but xin xin was the one who was very pissed and i think rather hurt too. they didn't tell her anything and didn't asnwer her calls either. sighs. then we took bus to pui sin's house. but they were talking in chinese. of course i mind? but i pretended i didn't. so smsed xiaolin. then after we gt down the bus we waited in the bus stop for yueru.. what seemed like eons man. lol. well yeah so eventually we went for the bbq at 7+. for so long they didn't bother to call us to find out where we were.. only at around 7+ they called. -.-" and puishan did it.. call once.. we purposely nvr pick up. when we arrived the four of us went to puisin's house first. yueru was super pissed? cos like its as if she was invisible. sigh i`m too tired to say everything. but nice ah her house. heh. aft much discussion we decided to go down and talked to yani elis and yani brought tinny along. heh. nice to see her :). sighs.

the rest like gum together and were just staying among themselves? so we kind of isolated ourselves lohs. heh. yeaps. hmmm whatever la. don't care. just bbq and eat. then celebrated yani's and chien hui's birthdays too. yani they all left earlier. then the girls all set one side playign cards? didn't even bother to ask the four of us lohs? then the guys were on a different side la. then we just kept complainin. sayin its unbelievable about some of our classmates characters la. sighs. also mentioning like now can see their true colours or something. hmmmm. -fast forward- we kind of later went up to pui sin's house where we deep fried everything haha. the girls all still downstairs. well wei de isn't so bad after all lahs. hahaah. he cooked too? yeahs and was very helpful around lohs. and yar. quite happy la. even though he may like racist jokes.. heh.. he personally like tell me ya know.. it's all for fun and just jokin.. and i told him i understand lar. :). yeah. found out the girls beloew all got drunk?!!! like wtf right. really damn wtf man. elizabeth was the worst? heard she went into the pool and didn't wanna come out. piang. of course me xin xin and puisin didn't drink la. we so guai. heh. yueru tried a lil. jiayu got drunk then so scary loh? lucky jiayu got yoke san ah. lols. hmmmm afterslacking in pui sin's hosue cleaned up but me n xin xin had to leave first. the bus only came after 11pm. so late man. i got down at queensway and took 14 home. heh. damn tired? was having a bad headache! yeaps.

back at home. was quite irritated by my sister cos once i came in she start asking me to find things for her? my gawd loh. if it was me asking her she confirm would have shut me up? but i can't do that rights. no energy to quarrel with her either. sighs. so just find for her what she needed. sighs. was damn..UGH. now change phone with her liaos. hmmph. she wanted my 8250 mah. k la. i kind la ah. heh. well was reading hp3. then when my sis not at the comp i quickly occupied the seat! lols. yeap. then went irc first and read blogs. haven't tagged ya'll yet. sorry heh. then uhmm. was talking to clive ? we were talking soooooo much about our studies? lols. cos i can't seem to get myself to study and complete my work you see. he says woodlands library is a very conducive place. maybe i should try going there to study for my promos. surely cannot make it at home. then got into the topic of my family ? yeahs. double sighs. i think i complained really about lotza stuffs to him. sighs. i mean that's what i totally felt.. so alone and invisible in this four walls. and i kind of just blurted everything out to him. haaaa. sorry -.-" but yar. clive :: thanks a for for listenin to me and all that encouragement yeah. i`ll make sure to study hard and concentrate later. must try my best to stay away from the computer. shall only try coming online in the night to update and chat a lil and stuff. yeaps. can't hook on here for too long anymore. bad bad baaaad. then he sent me all the memoir pics. eh clive, you didn't send me the band pics ah? i want them too leh! lol. but he crazy loh, send so many at one time. piang. -.-" then we were looking at templates. yar then after that all crap lohs. then fifi still online and he was lookin at the miss universe pics. happily criticise only lohs. funny leh. omg. the miss universe 03 really DAMN BEAUTIFUL. really. power. heh. ms domi. yeaps. alright. wanna get some sleep now! nites! ;)

btw, today is dah`meiz and jasmin's birthday!!
baby`dah :: heya babex. even though you wouldn't be seeing & even though i`ve smsed you, wishing you a happy birthday again. haven't gotten you anything yet, sorry ah. still rememebr the 14 ecards + 1 real card i gave u last yr. heh. and tt rose. hmm i rmb lol. kk out of point liaos. well i just wanna tell you that you've really changed to be a very hardoworking girl now. really proud of you. just keep at this yeah and i know you'll do great in your Os. enjoy this day yeahs. i miss you lots. take care darlin! *huggies*
jasmin :: hey gurl! you're also very hardworkin this yr...compared to last yr yeahs? keep it up man! heh. i`m sure you'll do well in your promos this year. yeaps. even though we aren't in the same class anymore, hope our friendship will still be strong and always remember that i`ll always be here to listen to you. take care babex! ;)

dreamer ♥ 4:05 AM

Friday, June 27, 2003

hey blog. sighs. i woke up really late today? like 2+pm? lol. such a pig. well need to make this really super duper fast? yar. hmmmmm. well did my bio tut 18 today!! heh. i should have done it a long long long time ago? but i only competed it now. but .. at least i did something right? hmmm. =). for a start. glad i don't have any chem hmwk. but i think i have to at least try and read through notes. quite lost. and plan to do maths during the weekends. gonna be a real headache. need to do the minutes for pw. aahh. heh. i`m such a last minute person lohs. suckie. oh well. tml's gonna be a long day. i haven't iron my clothes. lol. my sister's one what.. later she see then scream how.. hahaha.. well now gonna go sleep liaos.. hmmmm.. sighs.. i can't write much either.. my sister need to use.. uhmmm.. yar.. feel really really down? duno. every night is like this. hmmmm. was thinking about bz's situation. siiiigggghhhhhh. i really don't know what to do lar.

dreamer ♥ 12:27 AM

Thursday, June 26, 2003

i so feel like crying now? LOST MY ENTRY YET AGAIN?! DO YOU KNOW HOW FRUSTRATING IT GETS? AND THIS IS THE THIRD FUCKING TIME! AND I WROTE SO MUCH! GAWD. this sucks. i'm suppose to rewrite the whole thing again. oh my gawd. =(.. well yes i changed my layout again. twisted thoughts and hopeless dreams. i can never relate to this more. cos that's what i feel inside. but hey angel, i will still look on the bright side of life yeahs? =)

wednesday. went to school in the morning for gp lecture. was late. met lay who bought for me breakfast. thanks babe. saw the "lame club" members sitting in the canteen. they are almost half the girls in my class heh. and i've been included in their so called lame club? with pui sin as the chairwoman! best! she's super lame. lol. waited for bird, elizabeth's nickname. heh. made grand entrance into Lt2. sighs. boring. well we've planned to have our bbq this friday. before that i'd be at new town. they're having this passing out parade for mrs fang. ugh. gonna see the stupid conductor, mr tay, lamest ever. and teacher in charge.. ms tay.. -.-".. basically i`m going back to see all my band peepz! hope lun will be there. heh. miss them mucho. but heard got attitude problems all that. i'm not surprised? haha. and on friday morning there'll be gp lecture again. sucks man. eeeewwww lol.
found out something in the afternoon. first discussed with fifi about it. lol. an interesting conversation we had there aye. then talk about it with angel too. well, it was quite hurting at first. i mean, how would you feel if someone doesn't exactly like you.and i didn't mean it really. totally unintentional. but i guess she'll never know cos i'm not gonna tell her. but later it started getting really funny and everything turned into gossiping. lols. but it was fun! haha! i was laughing real hard in jjcsb. just so funny! angel was so crappified today. lols. did that icq chat thingy again with edna jem and clive. but this time was a rather short session. i was starting to get bored. lmao. clive come in only start singing bahbablacksheep? out of point loh that guy. but had to leave after that cos sis needed to use. yeaps. then she restarted the computer without telling me? so the shoutouts i typed in notepad were all GONE! a lot ok! darn. grrr.

tuesday was a horrible day. yeaps. however in the afternoon watched how to lose a guy in 10 days and catch me if you can. managed to catch light years, after so darn long. just hope i wouldn't forget to watch chemistry! hehx. well. my dad was drunk that day. and it's really very frustrating. like hello? we're suffering a financial crisis here and there you go drinking wasting all that money. how irritating. i need money to buy calculator and bio txt n tys ok?! nobody ever bothers! ugh! and i'll only end up feelin guiltier if i had to keep asking ya'll for more money. why do you have to be so thoughtless and horrible. ok yar so you're working two jobs. well mom is too! she doesn't have to drink! hurmph. frustrating. my sis and bro went to watch a movie and they didn't even ask me!! not at all! so now, i'm invisible to them. oh well whatever. it' not like i'm close to my siblings or anything. that's why friends matter to me so much. sighx.

that night watched 'they'. then i was feeling really low. it's just this feeling you get when you're alone at night. and it's not a sad kinda cry..its more like a scream because it hurts to be alone. you're gonna make it, but it's so tough to lose this game and have to deal with it all alone.so the tears won't come.and i'm not about to force them. it's as though you're trynna fight this feeling.. but just can't fight the loneliness. but sometimes you don't mind being all by yourself .. sometimes you do have to be alone. nobody hears me screaming my pain inside. that's why i bleed to release it. it's just i don't know how to cope..with these voices in my head.

so she writes again
with millions of tears
as she sits in the pale starlight
like she's done for so many years

& her mind never stops thinking
of the past, the scars or the blades
but her heart never stops dreaming
of the beauty in everything that lives

as the world spins beneath her
she drifts off into her world
& her stars come to greet her
as she dances into her dreams

she's just a little girl
with unpretty eyes
an innocent little girl
screaming to be heard.

dreamer ♥ 5:49 AM

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

got this survey from naive`

[LAST]
[Last word you said] thankiew
[Last song you sang] uhmmm.. running by no doubt.
[Last song stuck in your head] this song by naz. can't rmb the title though.
[Last person who you chatted with] fifi! lols. interesting chat we had aye fifi! lols!
Last movie you saw] ju-on -.-" soooooo laaaammmmmeee!

[PRESENT]
[What's in your CD player] listenin to winamp. michelle branch - goodbye to you
[What color socks are you wearing] i don't wear socks at home?
[What's under your bed] nothing much? old stuff? -shrugs-
[What's the weather like] at night. after-rain atmosphere. cooling.
[What time did you wake up today] 8:00am!
[What's playing on your TV] not watching tv.
[How many close friends do you have] a number? =) now very close with my band seniors like angel and edna? =)
[How many enemies do you have] i don't know?

[FUTURE]
[who do you want to marry] no one in particular
[Where do you want to go] Eh..Las Vegas? Paris? lol.
[What is your career going to be] i honestly don't know !
[Where are you going to live] not moving from singapore.
[How many kids do you want] two maybe? yeah.
[Kids' names: for boys] bleaghs. dunno. haaa.
[For girls] same as above.
[Where do you want your honeymoon] dunoooooooo
[What kind of car will you have] convertible? wuhaha. not sure lar.
[What age are you going to marry] 20++ ?

[PERSONAL STUFF]
[Name] viknesvari
[Nicknames] vicky, vik, vicks, wig(lame 1 by kirthana!), smilin princess?(haha! frm vivian), xiaohei & "original" stupid girl [yeapyeap.haaaa](by e stupid gers), sexy butt?! wuhaaha. corny aye. (frm sexyfamily aka ntmb tpt sect '02)
[Birthday] 22nd October 1986
[Birth Place] Alexandra Hospital !!
Horoscope Sign] Libra
[Siblings] Elder sister and younger brother.
[Best Friends] A few? =)
[Marital Status] single
[Pets] I want a doggie!
[Eye Color] Dark brown.
[Hair Color] Black
[Glasses/Contacts] Perfect eyeight lehs! Hahaa.. =P
[Height] 155cm -.-" shortie..darn! lol..
[Peircings] 1 one each ear..
[Righty, Lefty, or Ambidextrous] rightyyy.
[What's one thing you would change about yourself] my size? keke.
[What's your most comfortable piece of clothing] just t-shirt and shorts. =)
[Goal in Life] academic :: do well and make it to the U! friends :: hope to nurture all my friendships. =)
[Song to Describe your life] Well, all depends on the mood.
[5 words to describe yourself] uhmmm. noisy? lame? caring? dunno leh.. what ya`ll think hahaa. help me fill in the blanks yah? lol.

[SOCIAL LIFE] (as of now okaes..)
[Best Girl Friend] nadia,yilin,rae,bz,edna,angel,chailing
[Best Guy Friend] weilun, clive
[where can you usually be found] at home. haaaa.
[Who would you be with] depends.
[What's your idea of a dream date] haha. duno leh. candlelight dinner? beach? bleagh.
[Are you timely or always late] late i guess! hahaa.
[Do you like being around people or being alone] i love being around people. they make me so happy! but of course there are times i'd rather be alone. doesn't everyone? =)
[Which ex now induces the gag reflex] huh?
[What's your biggest turn off in the opposite sex] terrible character. -.-
[Who was your first boy/girlfriend] hmmmmm. =P

[OUT OF YOUR FRIENDS, WHO...]
[Have you known the longest] bingzhen
[Do you argue the most with] err.. none?
[Do you always get along with] the band peeps like angel chailing clive edna fifi rae(actually A WHOLE LOT more?). also not forgettin my classmates- yani elis wendelin.. truth is.. i get along well with a lot of people.. i can't possibly mention ALL their names here.. each of them means a lot to me yeahs =)
[Is the most trustworthy] nadia,weilun,
[Makes you laugh the most] my crazy seniors?! hahaaha. nadia! lols. i can make myself laugh a lot too? hahaha. crazy bah. cannot blame aye! hee.
[Has been there through all the hard times] BINGZHEN!! nadia! yilin! edna and angel too.. sometimes clive.. yar.. karen also..
[Always has a man/woman] haa none.
[Is the most sensitive] me? heh. hmmmmm.. we are all hyped up people out to have fun actually.. lols.. =D
[Biggest loser] NONE! stupid! none of my friends are losers ok! nonsense!
[Most unique] everybody's unique in their own way? eg::edna-character!haha. angel-hyperactiveness. chailing-SOSOSOSOSWEEET..blahblahblahhhh..
[Has the coolest house] so far only know bz's hse? haaa. yar.
[Has the coolest car] none
[Is the most encouraging] all of them are in different ways.
[Is the shyest] i don't think any of 'em are shy leh? LOL! uhmmm.. jEM? HAHAHA. kiddin.
[Is the most outgoing] ANGEL!
[Is the most rebellious] eerr.. dunno
[Is the most perfect] nobody's perfect lar. -.-"
[Is the laziest] ~~ME ME ME!!! No doubt about that? lol!~~ CLIVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is the most optimistic?] uhmmmm..all of them can be very optimistic when they are like good mood yar.. all very understanding.. with good words of advice =)
[Is most likely to become famous] ah? ME LA! wuhaahaha.. j/k clive maybe? lols.
[Is most likely to become rich] clive ar? he already very rich right? -shrugs- think so..
[Is most likely to end up in jail] -.-"
[Is most likely to have a million kids] the qns gettin dumber.
[Is most likely never to have kids] how i knoooooow lol.
[Will get married first] ayyee.. hmmmm.. nadia? LOL.
[Always wears a smile] NORA !! forever smiling! my gawd. lol. oh i know another one.. KAREN!!
[Is the smartest] none? LOL.. yani lar..
[Would, without thinking, die for you] this question should be directed to my friends? lols.. so who huh? hehx.

that's the end. heh. bo liao. shall update later..maybeee.. =)

dreamer ♥ 9:29 PM

Monday, June 23, 2003

i lost my entry. how sad right. i took a long time recalling everything ya know. walaus. heh. nvm. i`ll retype now.
my sunday was beautiful. almost perfect. yeaps. in the mornin went for tuition in school. met anisah in the bus and she was telling me about this "guy" from jj. i can't believe he's so egoistic? it's horrible really. yucccck. well saw my sister's nus friends there. the chemistry tuition was alright. not boring or anything. just right. was very eager to learn. heh. on my way home had so much positive attitude flowing through me. yeap, felt really good. slept when i came back. guess i was tired. in the afternoon i had a wonderful chat with yilin. yeaps. been so long since we last chat like that. man, so touchy. lol. really treasure these moments. well something out of the blue happened. my godbrother came online and he actually messaged me in msn. i didn't know he was online. well. hahaha. we chatted for quite a long time i think. felt good about it? i mean it's been ages since we last talk, but we still can talk yar. i did a confession to him about something. oh well. hee. can't keep it from my dear brother now can i. so beautiful, the little things in life. =)

in the night played this computer game which was really really fun. lols. got hooked on to it. thanks to doggie aka jen. hahahaa. slept around 430am? yeap crazy i am. heh. well yes watched the sunday late night movie too. drew barrymore! man, that pretty woman. love her. heh. the songs were nice too.

today went to interview the elderly homes management. yeap. azizah was really friendly and it was obvious that she's really willing to help us in our project. that's like wow. heh. so happy? =) our project will be a successful one, but it requires A LOT of work. thanks to Yani we are all so hardworking. i must try to be MORE hardworking. have to type out all those minutes. heh. after that went to bugis. met up with yilin and azlindah! yeay! lols. bought something. ahem. will do it laters maybe. hee. then we went to eat at BK. chatted for like hours at BK about lotza stuff. heh. then we went back into bugis walked around. met up with lee min tabbie and yingying! hehx. hmmmm.. nothing much actually. but had lotza fun yeah? bought a new scrungy. wanted a deeppink one but couldn't find it sighs. so lin picked out this very very very sweeeeeeeeet baby blue colour for me. haha. thanks aye! :)

well basically, sunday and monday were wonderful days for me compared to that suck saturday i had. yeaps. kind of like compensating aye? well. it really seems as though whatever i have been brooding about, complaining and whining about.. are all now.. changed? really really did! yeaps. that's like totally wow? but not all actually. sighs. left just only one thing. i just hope.. it'll get better yar. hmmm. well i smsed the gang on sunday too. actually wrote down their replies so that i can type it out here? but ya too lazee to get it now. lols. hmmmm. but yeah. so i guess i`m just making life easier for myself heh. still not into the very studious mood yet though. hope it'll be soon. well i guess i have nothing more to add. i think i`ll go play the game again! lols. byeeeeeee
oh yes i forgot to add !!!!! found out only yesterday that Erianna the emcee for our Memoir was actually from trumpet!! and she welfare.. pass to angel now pass down to me.. lols.. SO COOL RIGHT!!!!!.. wuahahaaha!! *yippie* lols.. welfarians rAwk!!!! =D

dreamer ♥ 11:15 PM

Sunday, June 22, 2003

*SCCCRRREEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMSSSS*
lol. i needed that. sighs. morning went for band. played a little here and there. then me rae and angel played some pieces. was fun. angel ah.. do something ah. notti notti ah. heh heh. angel left arnd 12. then all of us together played ross roy. nicey. lols. hmmmm. i think there's a great difference to how i play now compared to how i played in sec sch? yeap. hmmmm. after that kind of arranged the chairs to the new seating arrangement lols. and the band looks damn small now. trumpet don't need two tables already ah. only got three people left. then later.. i was rather -.-" cos all of 'em kept interacting in chinese. good thing i can understand a lil bit of chinese yeahs. if not i would have dreaded it. but i just hope this will not be the case in the future. if not.. really sucky? yeahs. me rae yikling..so called english speaking people.. haha.. were in front listenin to them.. yeah.. the three of us left earlier.. didn't say bye to the rest.. uhmm.. =\ after that went home and slept. woke up and use the computer. same old routine?

nothing better to do..send out cards to a few people.. bo liaos.. -.-".. then chailing came online!! yeay.. so chat with her.. hehx.. then did a background thingy for my webbie with the new paint pro shop program i downloaded.. yeap.. then went offline.. hmmmm.. slacked around la.. then later chat with edna.. crap crap crap..but don't know why.. when i went offline.. was feeling fcuking down? yeahs. before that was smsing tejay. poor guy ya know. tomorrow he has bball training at 9 sectionals at 12 and band at 2. and tml is a sunday for goodness sake? yeah. oh my oh my. horrible. he's so stressed. sighs. yeah. i lay on the bed thinking. told my mom i didn't wanna take maths. felt awefully bad cos i upset her? yeahs. so tml i'm just going for the chemistry tuition. sighs. i don't mean to be so cold towards my mom. sometimes i dunno why i behave the way i do. yeahs. then i suddenly.. just suddenly felt so alone ? it's like i just feel like i have nobody at this point of time to really really really really talk to.. dunno why.. but i just feel that way.. sighs.. it's real saddening.. and i did it again. this time deeper. and i freaked out. not really but close to freak out cos really deep. hurts.. but feel much much much better. yeahs. sms clive but he didn't reply. thought i could tell him cos he'd probably understand me better. talked to vivian.. guess i have to talk things out to lighten my heart.. makes me feel better.. yeahs.. thanks a lot vivian~! he`s such a sweetie.

just came to write stuff out to relax. hmmm. talked a lil with lin today. ok. i'm gonna make a deal with myself. by slacking and all i'm only making myself feel like shyt and make me hate myself more. so tomorrow i'm going to make sure after tuition i will put in EXTRA EXTRA effort to do most of homework. especially complete mother tongue and GP. touch a little on bio too. maths i'll start during the weekdays. it's the last week. i better do something. only i can do something to make myself better. i need to get my lazee bum off that comp chair and start working. yeay. i found determination. lols. hmmmm. seems like i feel better already. today's gonna be a good day. i'll make it good. no more slacking.. *keeps fingers crossed*

Which [Finding Nemo] characters are you?

dreamer ♥ 1:18 AM