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"welcome."
Come closer. Look into my eyes. Slowly. See how I’ve grown and changed through these 8*teen years. Look at the things I have achieved and the ones I have destroyed. Things I’ve started; complete and incomplete. Those that I’ve loved and those that I’ve loath. Remove the painted disguise and look at this princess in her lonely world. Tired of picking up the b r o k e n pieces and to smooth out the creases. Running. Waiting for someone to find her. Come in now and read of my world. But remember. If you don't understand my silence, you won't understand my words.
Enjoy!
.+.The Girl.+.
Birthday:: 22nd Oct 1986 Horoscope:: Libra Location:: Singapore
.+.Her Dreams.+.
× precious moments music box
× wired star × lacoste/miracle/true star × pink handbag
× lipgloss
× threading my eyebrows × piercing my nose × eczema to go away × scars on arms.wrists to disappear × pants for work × get my photographs from friends × jaysean cd × destiny's child cd × rearrange my cupboard × liquid eyeliner × wallet × sandals
.+.Her History.+.
Archives
Child of innocence, I miss your sunny days We joyously frolicked in extended plays Ever since you've left the scene The streets are lonely, dark, and mean
Child of innocence, return to me now With your simple smile show them how This world once again can respond to your glance And heartbeats flutter to the rhythm of your dance
Child of innocence, your elegance, your beauty Beckons me now beyond the call of duty Come fly with me far and above Over the mountains in the land of love
Child of innocence, messenger of joy You've touched my heart without a ploy My soul is ablaze with a flagrant fire To change this world is my deepest desire.
-Michael Jackson
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i'm in total shock.
tears.
one of my angels retained.
tears.
tears.
wished someone bothered to tell me earlier..
worried.
tears
i love her lots.
can't believe this.............................................. |
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dreamer ♥ 9:42 PM
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today is my "godbrother's" birthday. will come to that soon.
i got 28 for my compo but mdm sal was sayin not to be comfortable with our p1 marks cos the teachers have been very lenient. so yeah i wasn't comfortable. i failed my p2, as expected of course. but i actually passed overall. thank god. i got 51. i did badly for my paper2. failed both summary and AQ. sighs. did better in the short ans qns surprisingly. thought i'd fail but i actually got bonus point cos they thought my lang was good. that's very funny.
today was a sad sad day. was just stoning during break. ate ice cream. choco one. kinda cheered me up. copied maths assgn. after maths lect got back bio paper. here comes the most fucked up part of my day. i screwed my bio paper totally. for one of my essay qn 6 marks i read it wrongly. freak it lohs. but i passed tt particular qn cos the second part i got the full 9 marks. sighs. i did badly. i don't know why. horribly bad. i was so close to tearing. well ok i did but controlled of cos. i only got 51.5 for my paper. i believe i could have done better. maybe time managment? did i actually study wrongly? i put in alot of effort. now, giving up on chem doesn't make any difference. SCREAMs. fuck fuck fuck. i'm just fuckin disappointed in myself. even though i may have won the battle of going through this promos and promotin.. i've failed myself. seriously i have. feel like some loser. some borderline loser. i know i should be "happy" for promoting BUT i did badly. i don't see ANY reason to be happy about it at all. at the same time i know there is no reason for me to feel like this but i can't help it. So yeah i got E for my paper but overall i got D. but sighs. it's a total like scrape through. sadness. was pretty irritated when yvonne was sayin it's not good when she got C for her bio. whatever lohs. totally. -.-"
after that went to the bandroom.. met siyi there. felt better talking to someone else. heh. shai came along later. mmm sadness shai can't make it fer the bandfest. sighs. guess it'll be the same fer diyanah too. anyhoo, heard that km got conditionally promoted. good fer her. damn freakin sad fer jos.. she got retained. SIGH. hope noone else retained from band.. even though heard xinxin's sister retained? but.. hope i heard wrong.. hope everyone did alrights.. -prays hard-
ok so today's weilun's birthday. didn't even know which number he was using. so got to wish him through jinlu. guess i'll send him an email later. siggghhhhhh. thinkin bout him makes me equally sad too. but i know i'm only wasting my time. but then again i can't help it. today made me go back in time.. to when he meant so much to me. well he still does.. but sigh. times have changed.
sobs.
sighs. |
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dreamer ♥ 6:08 PM
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Thursday, October 30, 2003 |
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*brrr* it's a cold night.. but started out pretty stuffy and hot in school though.. slept pretty late yesterday watching tv.. didn't feel like sleepin initially but oh well..didn't have a choice..last night talked to puisin..got to know that yueru and puishan retained. was damn shocked bout yueru, cos she did put it effort..was expecting her to be conditionally promoted. my first period was ms tan's lesson. that woman not sensitive to people's feelings is it? she happiyly announce to the whole class who retain and all. other classes was one on one.. the guy who retained was DAMN shockin.. kar wei.. my dear pw grp member.. he's really a nice guy.. sighs it's damn saddening.. like i said.. just when the class was startin ta bond together..puisin,shiyin,bird,fazal and weide were conditionally promoted. so yeah i got promoted! i got O for my chem. 49. grrr.. just one more fer an E. wonder if the overall will be pulled up.
there wasn't any bio lesson because ms wun was busy with the a level bio pracs. mmm..did our own work. done maths tut but copied? hee.. but gonna do assignment later.. will try.. gp.. mdm sal wasn't in sch! grr.. so i don't know my bio and gp marks.. sickening.. like i said my tamil b3.. but overall a2! woohooo.. lol.. ok not much of a thrill.. bio lect was cancel! happyyyy! the bio quiz has also been postponed to next monday.. great! -winks-
the radio resonance thingy was launch today.. it was lousy..the launch.. -shake head- after that got back my maths paper.. got 65! yeay! lol.. uhmm.. overall 60.5 so it's a C for my maths! think it ain't bad.. -smiles- at somethin.. hoping that my bio would be a D and above.. or i might be disappointed..hee..pw went alrights lar i guess.. ended really late.. hmmph.. mmmm.. am really wondering how all my friends did.. those in other jcs too.. mmmm.. ya know damn irritated with yvonne.. she got a B fer chem yet she was like..sayin not up to expectation? seriously, she wants me to slap her lohs.. blardie hell.. ahaha.. hasvany kinda pissed me off too.. grr.. nvm hee.. i'm all cool.. -smiles-
zhihui retained..sighs..sosad.. she's a nice gurl.. can't believe my ex classmate fadzil (newtowner) also retained! my gawd.. justin did really well.. still that smart arse man.. hee.. justin!! you better help me in my studies k! heh.. he got A B B! proud of him ;) i've nothing more to say.. guess i'm gonna go off now.. gonna go study bio.. and do maths hmwk.. yeah.. since i know my results.. don't think there should be any reason for me ta slack nemore.. must try ta keep up with the pace.. heh.. laters! |
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dreamer ♥ 7:40 PM
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Wednesday, October 29, 2003 |
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hellooo. didn't go ta school today. in the mornin was havin some breathin difficulties. so close to gettin asthma aye. but i quickly took medicine and slept. felt better when i woke up - the breathing part i mean. but the cough has become worse. the flu's still there. ugh. bad bad. good thing exams are over and all. mom was cool bout me stayin at home. yeay? keke. well.. hope i get better soon.. friendstering now.. it's sooooo fun.. found so many people.. especially the senior batches of new town.. nad!! remember alison?!! winnie? dollyn? and who's shazlee huh! his name rings a bell.. but i just can't seem ta remember! lol.. so funny.. mmm..
gonna start studyin fer my tamil laters.. heard there's some kinda quiz on chloroplasts tml? ugghhh dumb!! -whines-
anyhoo.. yesterday was chatting with laimeng.. about band stuff and all.. actually wanna say thankiew to you darlin.. hee.. ya kinda lifted my spirits about band up.. it's really really soothin and cool to talk to someone's who as enthusiastic about the band.. and also the future.. someone's who goes for band not fer posts or nething but for the passion of it.. and practically someone who shares the same sentiments as you hee.. -huggies- we were talkin about all the upcoming activities.. hee.. just seem so exciting when we discuss bout it.. shared some of my ideas with her.. heh.. ooo can't wait ta put 'em into action~ everythin's gonna be soooo fun~ lols.. so lookin forward ta bandfest man! |
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dreamer ♥ 2:33 PM
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heyyyyyy!! firstly, im very SICK!! siigghhh really i don't exactly know what's it yet? a lil of flu cough and throat pain.. really think ate too much of the lil food stuffies? haha.. mmm.. drank lots of water today too.. just hurts badly.. slept in the afternoon cos really wasn't feelin too well.. was naggin at that spider? cos he as going to study? hahaa.. didn't know he'll be studyin with edna? then invited them over fer dinner.. super last minute one but really glad they could make it!! hurrraaayyyyy!! haahhaa.. met them at the bus stop... poor things got bitten by mosquitoes? hahha realy not my fault lohs.. all cos of spider.. wanted me ta come down lohs..ooo clive was wearing his pink polo tee that he finally bought.. the colour's nice lar.. (duh it's pink like hello? hahaha) and guess what they actually got me a PINK flower!!! awwww.. so sweeeeeeeet! lol.. thankiew thankiew lots lol. well we sat at the table cos my sister's friends occupied the sofa and all.. then we shifted to the bed.. lol.. was fun and bouncy? hahahahaha.. yar.. mmm.. lol.. ok.. these two entertainment machines were seriously damn funny lohs.. they really cannot make it.. then yar.. looked at the new town yearbook 2001.. haaa aiyoo.. i so guai ah? hahahaa.. yar.. saw..someone? -ahem ahem- hahaha.. mmm.. then yar just chat chat.. then showed them around the house too.. there was nothin much to see either.. lol.. well yar.. okaes then the gurls came lay hazel karen and joyce.. hadta explain ta them how ta walk.. so funny..well yar.. then they came.. wah very tiring cos i was rushin in and out of the room.. didnt know how ta handle.. cos i never really invite friends ta my house ya see.. okaes.. met clive's 'friend' richard? haha.. super funny? hiding behind the pillows blending in with the curtains.. and what.. trynna scare me.. super lame lohs.. but funny yar.. LOL.. =x okaes.. mmm all of us had dinner together? sweeet? all my good friends? yar.. sweeet.. too bad didn't have ne camera or nething.. if not can take picture.. bleaghs.. hahaha.. edna and clive left fer home after tt.. aye really hope didnt leave ya'll too long in the room? would have loved to laugh with ya'll too but was sick? so yar hee.. can laugh lil lil bit only.. keke.. the rest of us with my brother went to the playground.. heh just talked and lazed around.. took a picture under the block.. guess who i saw lohs.. andy and company.. after so long.. and of all people them lohs.. diao.. and guess what under my block saw that malay newtowner NT one.. he was like..newtowners.. blahblahblah.. like totally whatever? so irritating lohs.. still remember what he did last time cos of his friend.. was like omg whatever~ haah k k.. sth happened? think karen's mom or dad scolded her? she was in the brink of tears.. so scary? can see her eyes red.. uhmm joyce parents suppose ta send 'em all home..their car was already there..but karen didn't want? she insisted they left and she takes a bus? we were talkin to her really long not to be like that? cos its darn late and so dark already.. ok eventually joyce went home alone.. so cute her mom also wave to me? hee.. then saw karen tearin.. sighs.. knows she wants to be alone and stuff hope the two didnt push her too much ta tell her what went wrong.. but she didnt lahs.. found out from haze.. mm.. yar.. sighs.. something always happen lehs.. dunno why.. but yar.. it's good were still together.. hope they had fun.. i planned it all out differently? i usually always think that i will be able to talk to them more especially joyce.. cos i really dont talk to her much, and that's sad.. but oh well.. too bad mariam didn't come.. she had prayers.. mmmm.. yar edna and clivey thanks lots fer comin yeahs really.. *big huggies* thanks lots fer the flower.. so pweeeetttyyyy!! -grinnnnnn- |
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dreamer ♥ 12:05 AM
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heys.. well deepavali went alrights i guess.. it's sad that this time we have to go to our granny's bed ..cos she can't move anymore.. but she did give us her blessings.. it's hard ta see her suffering like that.. -sigh- well my sister and brother went to one of my aun't hse.. my brother's stayin there now.. he'll only be comin tml.. i miss him though.. -shrugs- well i stayed at home and watched tv.. loved chalte chalte.. of cos shah rukh khan what.. lol.. mmmm.. nothin much happened i guess.. spend the night online.. kept thinking if i should or shouldn't go for band..
well eventually i did today.. with a really bad attitude.. i deserve to die.. but at least i went.. attendance was horrible.. i thought pw wasn't suppose to be an excuse for not comin ta band btu how come when bz called one of her member.. can't rmb who.. the person's reason is pw? and how come jeremy can be playing soccer outside while the rest of us are in the classroom? how come nobody went to call him in or tell him he should be in band.. how is it possible that he is allowed to slack while we're having band prac? huh? i don't understand.. or is it just me? yar it's me. guess it's first prac after so long so just shouldn't care i guess? i don't know? lips sealed. thank gawd bz was there or i think i would be in living hell. well nothing much happened. i'mjust annoyed with myself. lousy me. ugh. just let me scold myself k. i guess i find comfort in putting myself down. ha rights. i left during lunch. i didn't see the point of staying when my lips were hurting and i was having a sore throat. minor though. and it was just. i dont know totally weird perhaps. neways it isn't fait ta ask so many questions when i myself am so slack.
bz and i went to jp ate lunch and walked around. she came by my house and we ate the lil food stuffies while watching MTV. socool they showed all the latest vids. -smiles- i hope bz had an alright day? cos i am a bad entertainer and yeah face the fact that i'm boring. sorry gurl. it was really nice chatting with ya catchin up and all. -smiles-
after that i started to slack. came online and did nothing much. friendstering. checkin emails. leaving notes. downloading songs, listenin and singing. some chatting. got to chat with jennifer today. miss her lots. heh. just replied her email.. super duper long.. yeahs..
wrote edna an email tooo.. sighs.. and thanks a lot really.. fer yer reply? you wont know how much i appreciate it and how much it helps.. but yar.. the main point i wrote it was b/c i dont do silly things anymore.. i hope.. haa k nvm.. need to go sleep now with my heavy heavy heart.. and ya know what.. am sick now.. flu.. i dont have a sore throat.. but it's hurting pretty badly.. yar.. sighs..guess i need more water.. ya know.. last time i used to wish of being admitted in the hospital and being seriously ill... dumb? -shrugs- ahhh crapping kaes whatever.. sighs |
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dreamer ♥ 1:01 AM
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