...is to live life, simply...

"welcome."

Come closer. Look into my eyes. Slowly.
See how I’ve grown and changed through these 8*teen years.
Look at the things I have achieved and the ones I have destroyed.
Things I’ve started; complete and incomplete.
Those that I’ve loved and those that I’ve loath.
Remove the painted disguise and look at this princess in her lonely world.
Tired of picking up the b r o k e n pieces and to smooth out the creases.
Running. Waiting for someone to find her.
Come in now and read of my world.
But remember.
If you don't understand my silence, you won't understand my words.

Enjoy!

Friday, December 24, 2004

wow. i really have not updated in a long time. today has been one of the most boring days of my entire holidays so far and i do not know what went wrong though. on the surface everything seemed routine.
when the As ended..definitely there was a surge of relief in me. but i was also frightenend like a little girl being exposed to the world of independence. i was afraid because then when school was out it meant not seeing my friends anymore.. it meant no more focus on studying. i was 'free' to do anything. and yes it scared me. i did not want the thoughts to take me over. i did not want any depression. and most of all i do not want any reason to start doing it again. i do not want history to repeat itself, you know. i did not have anyone to talk to about it so i just confided in my diary. hmmm. things didn't turn out to be so bad. i took each day as it came. one step at a time. i occupied my time by reading tons and tons of books. it was great really. i enjoyed it a lot. it's like escaping to another world. nothing else mattered. and reading those books taught me one or two things. they were really comforting. *smiles*
i slept late and woke up late as usual. i did not really go out that much. but when i did it was really fun. like hanging out at one of my angel's house and sending her off to the airport..shopping shopping and more shopping! haha. i actually had dinner with my sister. it was the first time we were dining together alone. i must say that my sister and i get along much better these days. i like it, very much. i also wrote a lot of christmas cards. too bad i wasn't loaded with enough money or i would have definitely have bought my good friends each a present. i was doing this huge precious moments jigsaw puzzle too. its pretty really. i finally got it framed today. i'm just wondering how i am going to deliver it to him. will i ask somebody to follow me? hmmm. i can't really remember much of what happened the past days actually. i went to karen's house to learn how to make those accessories. its really fancy! she's helping me with the stuff for my grad night too. i had a wonderful time at hema's house too. it was interesting having to meet her sec sch friends. she must be really happy to have everybody getting along.
of course i watched a couple of movies and lots of vcds. just recently i watched peter pan! gosh, jeremy sumpter is ever so gorgeous! that smile of his is so darn charming i jut can't get enough of it! i hope my future guy has that kinda smile! lol. just kidding. oh i love everything so magical. i have decided to get as many disney jigsaw puzzles as possible. for myself and i can hang it in the room. the nice ones of course. probably one every two or three months. yeah. when the pay comes. yeaps. i will be working soon. starting on the 28th and 29th which will be training. yeah. i hope it wouldn't be so bad. i can't wait to go shopping and get myself new clothes. i'm really in need of them. i realised while i was lying down just now that there are a number of things i wanted to do that i didn't. like getting my nose pierced and my eyebrows tread. needed a handbag too but yeah~ i'm broke now after my trip to ikea. bought candles together with that huge frame! gosh they're so pretty! the candles i mean. i love candles =)) can't wait to lit them up. heh. i have made up my mind to get a xmas tree next year. i just can't wait. it'll be so beautiful! *awwww*
edna's working in holland so ive decided next time after work we could meet up and have dinner or something. it'll be nice. i do miss her a lot =) she's the only senior i talk to these days. hmmm. oh! i was really disappointed when i got to know that the chalet for band was the next day and i only got to know few hours ago! it was pathetic trust me. nobody went cept fer two and regretted it as much too. sigh! and yeah. a whole lot of other shit too. *shakeshead*
okaes i have to admit.. i feel down today. i have no idea why. i do not want to think on it. but it ain't good nah-uh!! not good at all. i do not like feeling this way at all. sigh sigh sigh. it might be because i think this year.. my christmas is going to be boring. even though i'm going to lay's house on xmas eve i just don't think it'll be as great as being out there. do you know i haven't really walked the streets of orchard especially in the night to see the lights and stuff. yeah i think i've been there only once. how pathetic right. i'm strange weird and everything bad. grrr. i'm playing all the slow sad songs in my playlist now. can't help it just feel that way. hmmm.
i'm glad he replied my email *grin* my intimate stranger. i don't think i've ever mentioned him here. lol. he's a really nice guy. but i think he's already taken. ah, all the good guys are taken now aren't they. heh. its ok like i said. i'm done with guys. no thank you. these walls won't come down no more *wink* right. i don't feel like typing anymore. i'll resign to my book. sighhhhhh. really hope i'll have a much better day today. and bz darlin..thanks for trying to make me feel less bored. haha. i miss you so much! -hugs-

dreamer ♥ 3:01 AM