Alevels. the fact that i hung around in school a while before going home, supports the fact that i wasn't too disappointed. neither was i happy, but definitely thankful. the saddest thing though, was that my form tutor couldn't make it as her mom passed away the day before. i would have loved for her to be the one giving us our results. some of my grades surprise me actually. my bio is especially disappointing. i am more than grateful to have passed my gp. my chem tutor was happy for me heh. all i have to do now, is cross my fingers and pray to God..since He has taken me this far, i hope He'll bring me all the way and give me the chance to pursue my interest. i want it so badly. when i collected my Os results last year, my lil godsister was with me. and this year, she was there with me again. i'm truly thankful for that really. i needed her there, and hey, it happened. =) we spent some time together at jp before we headed home.
Saturday. so that happened on friday. well on saturday, i went to the library to return my brother's book and got more for myself. surprisingly enough, i saw him at the library while i was going up to the top floor. he was with his gurl. the weird thing was, my first reaction, was to avoid him. that night, while i was thinking about it..i kind of felt that i'd prefer to ignore him rather than have him talk to me and realise that..you know..we're so far apart. i went to jp after that.. bought a new pink shorts and the brain tweaser or teaser for my little brother. i wanted to get the white gold necklace for my sister, but there was no stock. gee. i was real sad about it. now, i still don't know what i should get her. sigh.
Sunday. it was a good day. i met up with my darlin' angels and we spent our day at sentosa. lucky for us, the rain stopped upon our arrival. we celebrated hazel's birthday too! karen had inspired jolene to draw. and for someone who has not drawn in ages, i must say that that girl sure does have talent. what she told us, that ren told her was extremely true. there's no right or wrong in art. you just draw. cool huh. ren did give me a piece of paper to try drawing. but i couldn't. i just didn't know what to draw at all. haha. maybe i wasn't too much in the mood for drawing. i did write a little though. played in the sea and all. they did play touch at times. initially i joined them, throwing the ball. eeks. at one point it hit my jaw which become numb. oh well, i'm fine now. haha. but i didn't join them to play touch. i mean i don't know how to play, and i know they are very eager to teach me. but i guess i'm just not interested. you just have to understand. i'm not the sports kind of person. and there's so many people at the beach ..being the fcking self concious bitch that i am.. i wouldn't want people looking at me .. at what a klutz i am. yeah. so the next time i'm just going to bring my storybook. ugh. irritating, i did write something in my book but i can't get it at the moment. so i guess i'll post more of my mindless ramblings later when i do find it.
Monday to Thursday... well on monday, i did hazie's birthday present and completed it within an hour. i still need to get oher stuff from ikea to complete it. hopefully, i can give her by the end of this week. my brother got back his results too and he did really badly. failed a few subjects. i'm really upset. sigh. i don't know. if i could, i would quit my job and stay home so that i could keep an eye on him and monitor him. my sister is even more upset than i am. we are all really worried. sigh. these days i am emailing kirrthu because bz isn't working anymore which is sad. sighhhhhhh. anyway ren also told me that i only believe that i cannot draw. i need to believe in myself. sigh. tuesday was my darling jennifer's birthday. hehe. i miss her so much lol. =)) she just told me i made her day today. awwwww. *giggles* i also met up with kirrthu on tuesday. we just looked around the pasar malam at je which sucked. we just got ourselves some food and walked a few bus stops..sat fer a while and just talked all the way. its so great. truth is, kirrthu is the only person i'm totally i touch with now. yeah. sigh. if only it could be like that with everybody else. oh yes. something important i have got to say.
i almost had a bad accident that tuesday. i almost got hit down by a motorbike. i almost died. i could barely catch my breath after that. sighhh. i was so confused that night. sigh. oh and yes, my horoscope was oly too true for that day, let me show you. "It is hard to keep your balance when a large rock suddenly falls on one side of your scales, my name. Resolving the matter is not as hard as you think, however, because this rock has actually been dropped there as a gift. Though it might be shocking at first, there is actually an important message in this surprise. The tricky part is figuring out what this message is..." i don't know what He's trying to tell me. but then again, deep down, maybe i do. he messaged me that day. hmmm. something he told me, just doesn't seem to sit right, with me. he was just askin if i was close to her now, and i just mentioned that she's really nice and he went on to say i did some fast judging. and that people shouldn't judge others so fast, that's what causes problems. i tried to explain to him that i mean, she's his gurl and if he love her..then she must be nice, right? i don't really know how to explain it but i know that i won't judge people so fast. even though i hear things about whoever, i always keep an open mind until if i ever get to know the person and then you know. but yeah whatever. haha. weird. its just..he's never talked like that to me in a really long time. just hope he wasn't having any problems or anything. being me and all, i was just thinking into the night. sigh. it just.. felt so nice.. you know talking to him. how much i may ever deny it later. but yeah. and i had to let a few tears fall. will i never be able to forget about my feelings for him.. will i always feel like i miss him after every conversation we may have.. i don't understand what i feel sometimes. and it goes back to why i had to meet him in the first place. why did he have to be so nice in the beginning. letting me fall, and not planning to catch me.i don't like him.. i don't i don't i don't i don't i don't.. i don't................
hahaha. yesterday night i finished reading a beautiful storybook and was thinking about the perfect guy for me. lol. the little things he must have. haha. you're not going to believe this. but during lunch break ytd at work, i was reading instead of having my lunch. i don't think anyone does that right. lol. but who cares. i just love reading so much. it makes me feel at peace. it makes me forget that i'm living a life. it makes me forget about everything else. and there's only the images of the story playing like a movie in my mind. and i will never be able to get this, anywhere else.
I feel as though God's screaming into my face, trying to tell me something. no matter how much i try to cringe and listen, i seem not to be able to hear. forced into this void by unseen hands, the cries of my thoughts are all that's left. |
