...is to live life, simply...

"welcome."

Come closer. Look into my eyes. Slowly.
See how I’ve grown and changed through these 8*teen years.
Look at the things I have achieved and the ones I have destroyed.
Things I’ve started; complete and incomplete.
Those that I’ve loved and those that I’ve loath.
Remove the painted disguise and look at this princess in her lonely world.
Tired of picking up the b r o k e n pieces and to smooth out the creases.
Running. Waiting for someone to find her.
Come in now and read of my world.
But remember.
If you don't understand my silence, you won't understand my words.

Enjoy!

Saturday, September 27, 2003

haven't updated fer a while aye? actually have time to slack a while online today. well i've just been very tired lately. been staying back in school till nine everyday to study. and it's kinda sad cos when i come back i fall asleep. but i guess i've done too much in school to just do anymore at home. but the thing that i'm more afraid of is that, if i keep this up, i might not be able to complete studying for the promos. did i not mention that the tutors have said that the chem paper is gonna be difficult to pass. that's really sad. kinda demoralising too. my chem's poor (so are all my other subjects) and it being harder just makes it a double challenge. well i'm trying. but i guess just not trying my best yet. i don't know? heh. (ooo tintin's playin *yeayyy*) i know i've done quite a lot of maths and chem.. tonight gonna do more bio. planning to cover two chapters. might try and squeeze in to do either maths or chem. been studying with da gurls. oh oh! this i have got to say. i actually saw eric wong in school! yes in school! i was so shocked as well as darn happy to see him. i was so lost for words. heh. apparently he came as a pastor for interview for pw by bz's classmates. he's my sch band conductor but not anymore. now's that lamer. -.-" went to jurong spring cc and they were havin kindergarden graduation! IT WAS SO CUTE! lols. they did performances..just so adorable. coincidentally bumped into edna and clivey. his mom's kiddos were performin? aww! lol. i actually saw my aunt! haha! she's really sweet! mom's relation. yeaps heh. her kids are sweeties too.

besides all that nothing much really. i just keep losing confidence regarding the exams. and at certain point of times i can just become very very stressed. well i agree need to take breaks in between. oh well. i'm still trying. surviving on honey stars. gonna drink coffee. haha. entries gettin shorter lately aye? haha. take care all of you.

dreamer ♥ 9:40 PM

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

heyyys. been a pretty long day today. gp was our first period. mdm sal was so pissed with us. maybe she almost teared or was it just her flu? i think it was just her flu. well, she went out of the classroom halfway. oh my. really scary? she was totally disappointed in our class results for paper 2 for common test. there are only five passes for paper2. and guess what! i ACTUALLY passed!! woooowww!! i mean, it was totally unexpected. the passage was on democracy. something i know nuts about. and when i did the paper i knew i wasn't going to perform well and might eventually fail. but i actually got a 6/8 for my AQ. highest ever so far for me. ain't that amazing? i mean, i thought all i did was major crapping. wooww. lol. means i actually passed my gp common test, right on the dot. mmmm.. maybe it was just pure luck? (haha.. i actually passed..)
i passed my tamil compo test too! lol. not good actually. he said he expected better from me. i know i could have done better. but it's my fault. i haven't been practicing on compos much. got a 25/35. lectures went pretty alright. was paying full attention during maths. not too clear about chem. since its about alkenes not gonna bother too much now. well the gp thingie was pretty much useless. i really thought mdm sal would be takin it? i mean she's like so much better and all. oh well. well the bio test went okaes too? hope i can pass now? well i guess i've pretty much covered two chapters for bio now. i stayed back to study. am done studying for tml's chem assgn. redid my tut too. heh. laters gotta do some intense work-lots of maths..13a and b and also bio tuts.
jasmin's so nice? said she'll pass me this book she has full of tamil compos for A levels and also bio MCQ book wch she bought accidentally.. as in forgetting she already has one. heh. received the developed photos too. haa. today during chem lect, soemone from S8 called mr azmi. and he was like, think someone from S8 forgot to switch off their phone huh. LOL. think it was our dearest jiamao? lols. cos after the commotion he was shoutin across a qn to mr azmi. oh yeah. i stayed back and studied yeah, sari was there too. man that gurl's a smart arse man. she really really knows her stuff. man, so wish to be like her? lol. soon ah.. soon. heh. rights. when karen and i left home at 9 with jenna she was sayin someof her classmates are like done with studying for bio and maths! -screams- that's totally horrible. and preethi actually got a 42/50 fer her compo! amazing aint it! today's mom's birthday. happy birthday momma! well.. guess the only 'present' or thing i can do for her is try and perform well in my studies. heh. trying. trying. kinda rushin through this entry? take care and good luck fer tml's econs paper.. hope today's maths was alrights. =)

dreamer ♥ 10:08 PM

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

monday,didn't do much. completed two bio chapters and started a little chem. slacked through the night. sang so many songs! -yippie- lol. singing's so much of fun.
the bio assgn didn't go too well. only 15/20. it's alright but not good enough. tml's the test. i'm done with revising what i intended to do. . had a nap when i came home. pretty satisfied that i was able to wake up and had the self-discipline to study. brain too saturated now, which explains why i'm here. -smiles- after this gonna study for chem till around 2am i guess.
i kinda saw kenneth today!!!! he's my junior.. love him to bits.. that chubby lil boy.. it's a pity i was so sleepy i didn't make sure it was him. smsed him and found out he was takin 196 back to sch. dang! could have went with him. aye, miss him lots man. can't wait for the hols and i'll finally be able to go back. awww. we have so much to catch up on. good luck fer yer finals dude! today mornin i kinda caught bz's gaze, but don't know why i didn't say hi? msged her just now..wished her lucks too..haha.. she was surprised. like duh.. haven't talked to her in like what.. weeks? months? -shrugs-
it's a good thing they've planned to celebrate lay's birthday on the 4th oct saturday. not that bad as 8th. in the midst of everything heh. was thinking. wouldn't want them to celebrate my birthday. i think that i don't deserve it. yeaps. wonder if i'll have the courage to tell them that? -shrugs-

dreamer ♥ 10:57 PM

Monday, September 22, 2003

i didn't attend school today. now that's extremely bad. not very sick actually. but it sure is a killer flu with a cough. usually i go to school even though i'm a little sick. but you can say i'm just not ready to face the world today. so i chose to stay indoors. in wdlnds lib i only managed to do half of tut13a for maths, study half of genetic engineering and doing reading up and also i've started on my chem. actually got to a point where i got really uhmm stressed i guess. just so blocked. eventually cooled down. continued studying. nothing much really. spent time watching tv yesterday. actually need to say a huge thank you to clive. he's really a man so full of truth. awakens the sleeping soul within. well it's true. stressing doesn't help. it only increases. so you kind of brought me back to reality yesterday.
You do so much you'll never know, the comfort you bring to me.I know you don't believe it's true but you make life not so bad.
Thank you for catching me when I’ve fallen down.
Thank you for listening when I needed an ear.
Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder when life wasn’t fair.
Thank you for caring when things have gone wrong.
Thank you for listening when things have gone well.
Thank you for accepting me for who I am.
Thank you for giving when I was in need.
Thank you for keeping my secrets.
Thank you for putting up with my hangovers.
Thank you for ignoring what I sometimes do.
Thank you for opening my eyes to new things.
Thank you...for being my friend.
Thank You !

dreamer ♥ 12:46 PM

Sunday, September 21, 2003

sighs. i really do not know why i'm like taking everything with a pinch of salt. i mean i don't wanna slack and all. but it just seems like i am. i'm not doing what i'm suppose to do. it's pouring. perfect weather to be indoors, relaxing? well. i'm going to woodlands. gonna mug there. gonna make sure i do a lot of work. if not i'll end up ... nvm. oh and eczema really sucks. can't take it no more. really hurts and all. it's totally painful.like the poem at the corner.. skin brutally torn.. infection.. bleed..ugh sighs. -whyyyyy- sighs. -shake head- pretty late already. just hope i'll get a table. i'm off.
yeah edna it's dark, that's why i find it sooo nice. really. heh.

dreamer ♥ 11:31 AM