...is to live life, simply...

"welcome."

Come closer. Look into my eyes. Slowly.
See how I’ve grown and changed through these 8*teen years.
Look at the things I have achieved and the ones I have destroyed.
Things I’ve started; complete and incomplete.
Those that I’ve loved and those that I’ve loath.
Remove the painted disguise and look at this princess in her lonely world.
Tired of picking up the b r o k e n pieces and to smooth out the creases.
Running. Waiting for someone to find her.
Come in now and read of my world.
But remember.
If you don't understand my silence, you won't understand my words.

Enjoy!

Friday, October 03, 2003

gee. my sister just came back home. -sighs heavily- see. she just sorta nagged at me. doesn't she ever get sick of being the cruel sister she is; to me. bro and sister are so close anyways. oh well. better not think about that now.
gp. sighs. not going to make it. actually i did have hope. i did have confidence. but all of 'em just deteriorated. i did start my essay well. but sighs. i can only keep my fingers crossed and hope that i didn't go out of focus. i know that i did not put in much effort for my paper 2. i have no clue why either. i started off alrights. was doing it all ok. maybe i was rushing too much. but i know i'm sure to lose lots of marks. sighs. great. after the paper just stoned in the canteen. i think it's pretty obvious to know when i'm not exactly fine cos i'm usually so uhm not quiet. so when haze walked past she was like what's wrong. and they were askin me to sit with 'em but i decided to sit with my classmates cos.. i didn't want to be disturbed. eventually had to try and pretend i was 'alright' even though didn't feel too fine inside. after that had maths lesson at LT2. after that went with rae to KAP. she's so hyped up. heh. well we did our maths. and thinking back now, i'm pretty confused.
i practised tys qns on topics that i'm pretty much alright in. like binomial, differentation basics and trigo.. and i don't know. did i waste my time practising on those questions? earlier on i convinced myself that it was alrights. it's better to perfect what i already know. but now i'm unsure. should i have worked on the topics i'm weak in? like apgp summation and so on. but it's no use thinkin about this now isn't it. can't turn back time. but just feelin pretty weird about it. actually i'm feeling pretty weird about everything right now. just so unsure of what i'm doing. am i really studying right? sighs. mind boggling.
gave haze the ten bucks. bought bio tys..even had to borrow two bucks for that. didn't eat till at KAP - 50 cents ice cream. actually i was very very very hungry. as though i was gonna faint cos of hunger. but as time passed, guess it was supressed. i don't know. but i did take dinner just now. it's quite worrying not having money..what if in an emergency? -pushes thoughts away- tml's suppose to be lay's bday party. but i do not know if they are still having it because their touch game is at 5pm. i wouldn't be staying for too long neways. sighs. i'm feelin sad. gee. can't help it, even though i really do not wanna feel this way. ughhh.
andy actually messaged me to find out how was my gp paper. heh. the other time also? mmm. sweet. i mean not close to him or anything but he still cares? -nods

dreamer ♥ 10:31 PM

Thursday, October 02, 2003

i just don't get it. totally.
why can't she understand lohs. we're not like other families. i just knew things weren't gonna be fine when everybody started coming into the room. bloody hell. i was reading through the gp essays that i've photocopied. and disgestign some points. then there they come into the room and start talking with so much tension; my mother and sister. i knew my sister wasn't gonna cool it off. i so wanted to ask her to shut the fuck up. so what if you didn't have money to eat for just ONE day. will you die starving. hello? look at me? i have gone so many days without eating?! and you could have borrowed money from your friend or something. you think what, you'll lose your face is it?! rights. then they start flaring up at one another. why can't she understand we don't have money now. such a difficult position yet she happily sits there naming the things that she needs money for. my mom gave me twenty bucks to buy assesment book and for daily expenses. silently i remembered i had to pay hazel 20 for lay's birthday party. great. now what? starve for another week rights? oh it's alright. i'm like so used to it anyway rights. i was listenin to their conversation while pretending to continue reading. i was rather angry at my sister for not being the least bit understanding! and also frustrated it had to take place infront of me. it got to me really. teared in the toilet. i mean please lohs. i'm so friggin stressed yet you do this. ughhh. and i don't wanna build u anything. figured it was best to let it out. its sad that my mom has to handle my grandmother by herself. and 300 bucks go away with that. i wonder if i heard wrongly that my dad's salary's already around 300 ONLY. ha. and yar, talks of taking a third job by my mom came up. she must be nuts, but i know she wouldn't do it. siiigggghhhhhh. nothing i can do. just letting it all out. guess i can't sleep early now? even better. whatever. back to reading. oh and thanks for the wishes and.. sigh.. let the battle begin..

dreamer ♥ 10:31 PM

Wednesday, October 01, 2003

left school today at about 1030pm! first time man. just had my bath. now it's 1140++. missed charmed? not like i have time to watch any tv programmes or so. last night ws muggin chem, even though started out pretty unproductive. was much better after my nap. only attended chem lect and maths tut. didn't go fer chem tut. yani was tellin me that mdm sal went through fig lang during gp, and she didn't seem keen enough to tell me what mdm sal said. was quite irritated? oh well. tuesday my class only bout 7 ppl went ta school. lol.
anyway after school today found out from lings clivey and others were at T6 doing his art thingie. so yeah, decided to help. initially thought of leaving around 3pm? but actually stayed till 1030? best rights. so yeah, didnt study. did read lil bio and did some maths. actually it was very fun. didn't exactly do much though? but there was this point of time, guess i was soooo tired.. went a leetle berserk. laughed at everything and anything. just laugh and laugh and laugh. but it was good; some kinda stress reliever. but yar it was fun lohs really. with silly edna and all heh. can't believe how crappy chi is lohs. -faints- but it was good? our entertainment fer da day! heh.
tonight gonna do maths. yeah. think i shan't sleep. mmm. maybe 30 min nap. so on thursday, i'll have an early night. well when i'm tired, im a little whiney? so here i go.. feel that i wouldn't be able to make it for chemistry.. don't think there's enough time to cover everything.. and sighs.. i mean i don't wanna give up either? but i don't know what to do also.. if only i could like.. just give up everything without any worries.. oh well talkin about the impossible here. it's so fast - promos. soon it'll be over, and i know i'll only be regretting. ahhhh. dunno lar. sucks sucks sucks. -yaawwnnn-
off to nap now.. hope lings and clivey will complete their art in time .. lucks guys..

dreamer ♥ 11:45 PM

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

heys. didn't go to school today. was studying throughout the night into today. well so far i've completed two bio chapters. and i think that's pretty satisfactory. maybe i'm in the safe zone for bio cos i have four chapters left. however i'm definitely in the danger zone for chem and maths. but i'm trynna keep my cool and not burst out in a panic. even though i might just end up complainin; so my victims, am really sorry. -smiles- took me really long to digest those bio stuff. ended up sleeping for about 3-4 hours. was almost pissed for sleeping but i guess it's only good for myself. initially planned to do the front few chapters for chem. but found out andrew tan's going through chem bonding tml. thus i've decided to start on chem bonding. anyhoo, it is indeed a long chapter. tml will be seeing ms yamuna with kirrthana for consultation on eqm. i hope my ct doesn't see me? what if she thinks like, why's she seeing ms yamuna instead of me kinda thingie? hope not aye. but ms yamuna's really good now. was so horrible in the mornin' cos i had flu, bad cough, throat starting hurting and had diarrhoea for a while. like everything at once? real bad. still havin flu and cough though. and i was really really afraid of getting asthma, cos if i do i will just give up man. and yeah eczema goin baad wch is expected actually. always happen during these periods. gee. off to study. adios.
added:: sighs. slow paced. cant seem to get anything inside at the moment. drinkin coffee again. -huge sighhh-

dreamer ♥ 9:19 PM

Monday, September 29, 2003

heyyy! actually feelin so much happier than i was. i mean was already in a good mood and came online to find edna so happy which induced me to be happier? yeeaayyy! lols. well went to school only during the 925 break. lay's father sent us. saw yoke min at central. got quite a shock. heh. school went fine actually. mmmm laughed and mugged a lot too. hahaaha. nothing special nothing new. stayed in school till 9pm. time flew past really fast man. haze stayin over at lay's! man wish i could but yar. in my dreams lar huh. heh. actually had dinner.. cup noodles. pretty scared fer GP. sighs. really want to pass. mmmm. but what elis said is true. no point worryin about this and chem paper bein tough. just continue to work hard. heh. tonight gonna do lots and lots of maths. yeeeaayy lol. so determined! OH OH! guess what!! i got 77 for my maths mock!! *laughs and rolls over* haahha.. woohoo.. highest is elis.. 87! well the three of us who did the 2001 promo paper passed lar. i still do not know if it is a good thing or bad thing. cos the qns from the maths mock were from promo'01. not all of 'em of cos. but i'm actually more determined to work harder for my maths. hurray. feels good man. lol. anyways. clive and lings.. jiayous fer yer art kaes! angel fifi jem.. good luck for physics..som design paper? not imp but still its a paper? so yar lucks? ahahha.. and yar edna.. stay happy k? lols.. -smiles-

dreamer ♥ 10:35 PM

Sunday, September 28, 2003

aye. everything's pretty messed up now. fickle ol' me. just couldn't my hands to myself. but i love the picture. think it's really cool. heh. haven't got the other stuff organised yet. shall leave it till after promos. today hasn't been a productive day at all. only did like one chapter of bio? gonna do one more chapter of bio and carry on with two major parts of maths. yeah planning to sleep really late tonight. or maybe not to sleep at all? kind of having plans to skip certain lessons tml. but of course we'll be using that time to study. serious muggin man. well today went pretty alright. mom's relations came over. neighbour's baby too! awwness. kind of talked to sista today. guess both of us were in alright moods? this really rare. must to treasure. watched perfect storm. was good. the match' stick musical on central was good too! heh. good production. shall end here now. cheer up edna ;)

dreamer ♥ 11:35 PM