...is to live life, simply...

"welcome."

Come closer. Look into my eyes. Slowly.
See how I’ve grown and changed through these 8*teen years.
Look at the things I have achieved and the ones I have destroyed.
Things I’ve started; complete and incomplete.
Those that I’ve loved and those that I’ve loath.
Remove the painted disguise and look at this princess in her lonely world.
Tired of picking up the b r o k e n pieces and to smooth out the creases.
Running. Waiting for someone to find her.
Come in now and read of my world.
But remember.
If you don't understand my silence, you won't understand my words.

Enjoy!

Friday, September 17, 2004

and a week has passed so quickly. the first week of prelims. it began pretty alright with my bio options paper. i did study for this one, but i'm uncertain how i'll fair overall for that paper though. i remember when there was only 15 minutes left my mind went blank. totally. scary ain't it. but i took deep beraths and continued writing. Gp was draining. i hope i do well for my paper one - hopefully i didn't go outta point. because i know my paper 2 is crap. hmmmm. chem practical was bullshit. so difficult. thankfully i knew how to do the planning skill fer QA. it was easy. sigh. i'm worried though its over. i'm worried for A level practical.

Maths paper one was demoralising. i didn't manage to study finish. i didn't memorise all the formulas. so practically everything i did was based on past practice. at least i was consistent before i gave up and did maths almost every other day. but it was tough though. i couldn't remember a number of things. there were tears in my eyes even before the paper was given out. my heart was beating so fast on my way to school that day. i was nervous. i have never been so unprepared for a maths paper before. it hurt. a lot. used to work very very hard for my maths but just because i gave up..sigh. there goes my only possible A. but who'd thought i get any A anyway. i gave up during that week break. just get marginal passes. the bare minimum i can achieve with so little done. after the maths paper i was the first to walk out of the class. i couldn't take it. i just felt like some loser. so embarrased by my performance. i couldn't face anyone else so i went home immediately. today was bio practical and that wasn't too bad. prety unsure here and there. i don't think i'll do well, but hopefully a little better than just a pass.

next week i have chem paper 3 on monday and both maths paper2 and bio paper 2 on tuesday. things couldn't get any worse than they arleady are. imagine. i have to cramp everything within 2.5 days. i'm so worried for my bio, because there isn't gonna be enough time to finish studying properly. my friend said it's ok since my bio is alright. but i think otherwise. i might just give up my bio and bang on my maths paper 2. because it's very crucial that i try to score for my paper2 since paper 1 is a sure goner for me. i have never left so many blanks in my life. apart from disappointing my teacher, i disappoint myself more.

thankfully i've done my organic revision. but i really have no choice but to pack a number of chapters into one day. i need to try and study fast as well absorb as much as possible. and i should take a break every 4 hours to recall and let my brain sort out all the stuff. gee. i will try my best. i'm going to lock myself in this room and just study study study. my sister was like - why are you studying so hard, its only the prelims and she went chuckling away. -frowns- haha. yeah, like my tamil teacher said, 60% now. 120% for As. definitely man definitely. i'm going to slog so hard for my As. nope, these aren't going to be just empty words. i'll do it. i will.

oh and i forgot to add. hee. i actually amde a pact with God. i told him to make me better in health. remember the week before i was suffering till i couldn't take it? i told him to make me better, and i will not say that i give up, no matter what happens. haha. hmmmmm. =)))) i guess he has so now i have to keep my word. yeaps.

dreamer ♥ 1:36 PM