...is to live life, simply...

"welcome."

Come closer. Look into my eyes. Slowly.
See how I’ve grown and changed through these 8*teen years.
Look at the things I have achieved and the ones I have destroyed.
Things I’ve started; complete and incomplete.
Those that I’ve loved and those that I’ve loath.
Remove the painted disguise and look at this princess in her lonely world.
Tired of picking up the b r o k e n pieces and to smooth out the creases.
Running. Waiting for someone to find her.
Come in now and read of my world.
But remember.
If you don't understand my silence, you won't understand my words.

Enjoy!

Friday, October 10, 2003

hello !!! missed me? lols. it's been soooo long! finally everything's over! i'm so so glad now -winks- well let me do a lil flashback of the promos. well tuesday's maths paper. i started out doing the maths paper very happily, cos i could do the sums. but it really got tougher and tougher towards the end. i'll be glad if i scrape through with a pass. the next day was bio! oh my. ya know, i've never been so stressed in my life like i was that day. studied from like 2 till 10 non stop one chapter after another, each time taking in so many facts. my my. and after that i took a break and tried to study again. but i couldn't. my head was on the verge of bursting. seriously. like it's just gonna blow. darn saturated. thought i was gonna mmm.. -shrugs- slept and continued studyin till da paper. well paper 1 was tough. tricky. but paper 2 was alrights actually. i knew how ta do cept fer some questions. but the sad thing is that i didn't have enough time for my essay. didn't elaborate enough. sighhh. mother tongue went ok too, was tough lar duh. mmm. didn't eat dinner fer two days, but did so on thursday. didn't even feel hungry or what not! haha. madness. well yesterday was really draggy. initially i gave up on chem, cos there's really no use if i study, like i'll porlly end up failing neways. kept forcin myself ta keep focus. and once i started, started worryin bout not finishin. but oh well. paper 1 was damn tough. bleaghs. some tys questions came out. i wouldn't be surprised if i failed this? yar. paper 2 also alrights. i think it should have been ok for those who studied. i didn't ya see. again, didn't have enough time. i attempted all the questions too. if i pass, i'll be more than glad. maybe just an O will do too. and if i failed i wouldn't be too suprised. heh.
anyways wanna say thanks to all of ya'll who supported me.. especially edna ;) haha.. thanks lots kaes.. appreciate it muchos! mmmm. anyway you guys better work really hard not fer the As alright. i believe each and every one of you has the potential of making it through.. so don't give up on yaself and strive on dudes and babes! heh. and yeah thanks to da gurls and jenn darlin tooo! [ honey i miss ya lots ;) ] during this period like before exams studied with the girls every other day in school till 9.. its cool how muggin brought me back tgt with 'em.. or something like tt.. at least i'm talkin more ta 'em now.. yeaps.. mmm.. oh went ta study with Rei Muh Ree and KAP last friday too.. was cool hehs.. did maths all the way.. -faints- its like my 1st time going there like after dunno how many years?! yeah its been THAT long! -smiles-
ive got pretty much a list of things that i wanna get for myself! deeppink ankle socks.. new pencil box.. new swatch watch... that pretty pretty skirt i saw the other time.. mmm.. what else.. oh yar.. some stuff fer some people.. heh.. well.. aha.. shouldnt extend it anymore.. not like i have the money now.. deepavali's comin and we can celebrate this year.. yeay.. and with promos over.. woopie! haha. mom just made neiyurundai yesterday. yummy yummy. maybe shall bring some fer ya'll to try. but only see fifi around nowadays~ oh and lings too in the bus heh..mmm.. would ya'll come to my house if i invite ya'll? orrr.. ya'll won't cos of As? -ponders-
well heh heh.. time ta slaccckkkk.. sleeeeepp is what i need most.. but wanna slack first.. haha just chillin.. singin songs..!! after soooo looonnggg!~ miss singin~~ wuahhaaha.. =x whatever.. crazzzyyy already.. hahahaa.. anyway.. im kinda lookin forward to gettin back the results cos i wanna see how i've done? lol.. yeaps.. mmm.. bintan trip's comin up next !!! hooorraayyy~ lols.. kaes.. those who are takin physics.. all the best kaes! work hard ;)..
off to more singing... *lalalalaaaa*
-added-
forgot to add this just now.
this girl from new town band, just sec one, flautist, passed away yesterday because of leukemia. i got to know this right after my chem paper and almost teared. just felt so awfully sad. even though i do not know this gurl, i guess there was sth cos she was from my band. the whole thing is just so very sad, and the fact that she's just so young and innocent. sighs. it just goes to let you think that, you never know who might leave you when or where. they might be there one time and just gone the next. so painful. sighs. well guys, please do treasure the things around you and don't take the little things in life for granted. love ya all. -huggies-
do add this little gurl in yer prayers tonight.

dreamer ♥ 2:29 PM

Sunday, October 05, 2003

hey dearest bloggie. i know i have complained and whined so much. i'm so sorry. but i just have to do this again. i'm sick and tired of worrying always. today has been a totally unproductive day. i didn't study. how wonderful is that. just feel like killing myself. and yes it's frustrating and totally annoying. but who do i have to blame except for myself. i can't believe that i've slacked for the whole day. what am i thinking. i don't know. i'm so afraid of being retained. please now, don't tell me i won't? cos nobody knows for sure. and yeah. my chemistry it's just so so gone. and im not working hard enough for my maths. sighs. i don't know what's wrong with me. i don't know why i keep worrying but i hate the way i'm feeling inside. totally. and now, there just isn't any way for me to deal with it. and i also know some things i just have to solve myself.
screw me for being so dependent on others.
screw me for not being smart.
screw me for my insecurities.
useless.
screw my existence.

dreamer ♥ 12:39 AM